So my other post I was feeling pretty down about the lack of having a father on Father’s Day. But yesterday something else got me thinking. I visited back to Somerset for a week and was chatting to my sister about how our mum has never really been very sympathetic. We were never brought up with the whole “Are you okay?” attitude. If we fell over, it was our own silly fault. When someone crashed into me and tipped my car over last year, it was my own silly fault for having a car. If something bad happens, we’re never really comforted as much as I’d like.

I think it hurts me a lot more than my sister, but I really never have had a family. I’ve got a mum, a dad. But they’re just.. parents, you know? Dad was never around my whole life, mum brought me up and fought hard for us to have a home but she’s never really done mumsy stuff with me. My whole family ignore me, I don’t have contact with any of them unless they want something from me. And my mum threw me out at age seventeen.

Being seventeen years old and not having a home is awful. Especially when it was simply because I quit my job with my sister because I wanted to focus on college and have a bit more of a social life. I’ve never hurt my mum or done anything terrible to her. I wasn’t on drugs, I didn’t come home every night pissed as a fart and shout the house down. I was a normal teenage girl who wanted to do more than go to college 20 hours a week and work for an extra 30 hours.

So it raises the question, would you ever make your children homeless? Could you do it? Not knowing if they’re going to be safe? What would your child have to do to make you feel that way? Is a child just until the age of 16-18 or should you be responsible for them forever?

I’m just curious what your guys opinions might be.

Well yeah. Fathers Day has never been a big thing to me. Mothers Day I used to go all out with goodies and breakfast in the mornings. When I lived with my mum I would try to help out as much as I could be bothered too (yes, I was a lazy child, hah). But Father Day.. well. Hmmm. My dad has never really been around. I might see him once or twice a year. Since I moved out last June I haven’t seen him at all since. It’s over a year now since I spoke to him face to face and our last physical conversation was a huge argument. Since then it’s been an awkward phonecall here and there. Nothing too special. Maybe once every three or four months I’ll call him for ten minutes. But he’s never called me.

It makes me wonder.. with the track record of a lot of father’s nowadays. How many kids or teens and even adults are out there who still celebrate this day anymore. With so many single mother’s struggling to be both parents for their child(ren). It does make me wonder. And it’s a shame really, that the world is like that. It’s a shame that people don’t fall in love without the cheating and lies. If you have children and marry.. you promise to stay faithful and true to that person.

Sure sometimes people just fall out of love, they grow apart over time. But when the father doesn’t hang around and keep in touch with the children. Well that part just hurts. It really hurts to think that my father produced my sister and I plus another two girls somewhere else and doesn’t make a single effort to care. He doesn’t even know how old I am. My birthday in April, he wasn’t sure if what age to write on the card and had to ask my Auntie for the answer.

So yes.. bit of a rant there, hehe. But still.. it would be nice to have a father figure. But I don’t. So he doesn’t deserve a card

Okay I’ve been thinking the past few days about how many birds fly above your head in your lifetime. So surely you have a huge chance of at least once, being pooped on? Don’t you think?

Knowing my general luck it’s quite likely that I’ll be pooped on when I’m getting out of my wedding car to walk into the church. Or on the journey to the most important interview of my life. Perhaps even when I’m a famous millionaire celebrity walking down the red carpet. It’s bound to happen at some point, so when will it be?

Sam and I were sat out the back of my house with a cigarette a few weeks back and he was so so close to being pooped on. A few times I’ve seen a bird do it and it’s landed very close. But what are the chances it will actually land on my face? And what if it was to go in your eye? Blinded by bird do-do. Not really a story to tell the grandchildren.

Hmm…

Yeah. The end of a relationship is the hardest thing to deal with. Especially when it’s someone you planned to spend your life with.

Especially when it’s all your fault.

Update: So er.. sorted things through. Still not great. Having a month apart. Time for me to move into my new place. I think this is the best though. Time to myself, to sort my own life out =) Not easy to juggle so much at once.

Damn me and my forgetful mind. I seriously did completely forget about my blog for a while. Though I’ve had other things on my mind, I still should have updated to let you know I was okay. Which I am. In fact I’m pulling along quite well. Sam and I have been talking about moving to Surrey (London), where I grew up. It’s 200 miles from where we are now but it’s definitely what I want. I’m back and forth from that damned place but this time I want it to be a permanent move and Sam is backing me all the way, so it looks like we’re set to go as soon as we can afford a huge down payment on a flat. Looking to move before Christmas, so we can spend it there together

Other things are generally still pretty crappy. Not been feeling too great the past few weeks but pulling along as normal. Money is very tight and I’ve been living off 8p noodles again, but food is food and I even managed to scrape enough to treat myself to a Chinese dinner tonight!

You may be shocked to know that I also join a gym. Sam paid for my membership and well… best choice I’ve ever made I think! I just want to tone up a little, get back into the small clothes I used to wear. I’m not far off, they’re just a bit tight on the thighs/bum. My top half is still small though my arms are pretty flabby haha But I start as I mean to go on and this diet is the best I’ve been on in a while.

Anyway this was just a quick update as it’s 4am and I’m not really up to typing a whole essay out about how boring and uneventful my life has been the past few weeks. So I’ll stop here and let you get on. But yeah.. I’m still around. Just been a little quiet recently