So I visited “home” over the weekend, before I started work Monday. Put me behind on rent funds but it was well worth it. I saw my mum, my friends, my best friend.

One thing that really upsets me though - everyone seems to be getting pregnant. Ever since that incident a few months back and being told I may not be able to have children anymore… well it breaks my heart. Five of my close friends are pregnant or have just had a baby in the past month and it ripped my insides out having to see them. I’m so happy for them yet at the same time a huge jealous pain runs through me, right down to my toes.

All I can do is blame others. If Si wasn’t cheating on me, if my mum hadn’t forced me so hard, if my friends had been more supportive, I’d have never had that abortion at the age of 16. If my friend hadn’t got drunk and beaten the living daylights out of me, I’d not be told I couldn’t have children. If he had stayed at his own house that night or stopped drinking so much, I’d still be able to have the dreams of settling down and starting a beautiful family of my own.

I don’t know. Visiting home was lovely. But the memories it brought back along with the realisation that my friends are growing up and settling down with children - and leaving me behind - that really spoilt my mood. In a way, I wish I’d just stayed here and pretended I’d never lived there in the first place.

I kick myself every moment of my life, every time I see a child. If I’d only been stronger at the age of 16, even after being told I can’t have children now due to such a severe beating. At least I’d have one child. One person to love forever.

Better than having nothing at all. I’d swap everything I own right now for that chance. Not right now - but one day - to be a mum. It breaks my heart to think that might not be possible. I know there are other ways but.. well.. you know.

Blehh, sorry. Things on my mind. Needed to steam.

So you’re now reading the blog of an employee of the highest considered Hotel in the Bay. A hotel that I went for an interview expecting - if anything - to get bar work. 15 positions within the company, 73 applicants.

I got picked for the top job. There was one position open in reservations. And I got it. I’m going to be working on reception and reservations with a small team of three other people. I can’t believe I got the job. Of 73 people. I just…

I’m in so much shock. I don’t know what else to say.

I worked my ass off at that assessment to impress people. I stood up and made presentations, something I’d never ever do - because this was my dream job and I’d have done anything to get it.

This is proof boys and girls, that you can get anywhere if you set your mind to it.

I’m so so so happy. I’ve been crying for the past twenty minutes. So happy.

I went for a very very very important interview today - and in the process possibly changed my complete outlook on life. I’ve grown through the years into a very self conscious young lady. I worry about what people think, say and feel about me. I can’t walk down a single street without worrying someone might laugh at the person that I am. My curvy hips or the way I’ve styled my hair. Not ever would I imagine I could stand in a room in front of 35+ people and present myself in the manner that I did today.

It was an assessment centre - a completely new concept for me. I walked in to 30 odd people sat around tables, thinking I was going into an interview with a maximum of three or four people. But no. Silly naive Laura, didn’t think to ask when offered the meeting over the telephone. So my first task, to find out about the person next to me. I was to stand up and give a few minutes speech on her and her interesting facts. Now that was scary - but I did it with a shaky voice and wobbly legs.

Second task was to sit with an allocated group and build a paper aeroplane. The managing director of the group had to present a speech about the product (give it a name, slogan, advertising campaign, choose the colours and co-ordinate the group). Of course nobody wanted to do it. So silly me, I stepped up and offered to play the main role. I had to launch the plane too - which - if you’re interested in knowing - flew less than a metre. The goal was to make it fly for 10, ha ha. But I took charge and did my best to keep my group intact.

The final task was to stand up and give a short presentation on customer service. I also had to go first. But I did it and survived. I then had a one to one interview and told them just how passionate I was about getting a job there. There are 70+ applicants and 15 roles to be filled.

If I’m not one of them, it will break my heart. But I plan to write them a letter, if I don’t succeed. Thanking them for letting me attend their assessment centre. And thanking them for helping me find myself in this world. For helping me find my voice. It’s not something I could ever say I’d do - but I did it. And I’m proud of myself for that

I’ll find out if I got it by the end of the week. Wish me luck. This is the job of my dreams. I’ve crossed every single part of my body for this. If I get it - everything will be perfect.

So I had the most perfect Valentines Day. I loved everything he did for me. We started off at midnight as he stayed over on Wednesday so we could go into Valentines together. We laid there at midnight and described everything we liked about eachother. His list was endless - it almost made me cry.

In the morning we got up, went to the shop and he bought me breakfast. I sat on a bench and he said “Hang on - wait there.” and ran back to the shop. He came back with a bunch of flowers, aww

He went to the gym then home for a few hours and got dropped back into town at 9pm. I wore a sexy/smart black dress with a tight silver belt and my new shoes. He took me to an Indiant restaurant with the best service I’ve ever encountered and got me a helium balloon shaped as a heart. He then took me to a bar. I had a few glasses of wine, then we went back to mine and spent the night together again.

He’s lovely. So damn lovely Oh, and my presents:

It was my boyfriend’s birthday yesterday and I’m certainly feeling the effects from last night. Bleh, hangovers are the devil. But at least I only went out because it was a special occasion. Apart from that I’ve been doing really well with giving up the binge drinking. Five years of non stop partying certainly takes a toll on your health and general happiness. But last night was lovely. We spent the day together and did some random stuff, then went to a few bars, stopped in at the pub I work in and then off to the biggest nightclub in town. It was packed too now that the holday makers are all coming down for the Easter season. Hurrah!:)

So my first real shift in the pub was Friday night. It seems my manager was very very impressed with how well I coped. Can’t really grumble about that The music they play there is good too, kept my mood up. They don’t play music during the week though, which sucks bum. But hey… next shift is tomorrow.

I also have an interview for a job at The Grand Hotel. It’s a very smart establishment. It’s literally a 10 minute walk too, rather than 35 minutes to the pub. If I get it I’ll be ecstatic. The wage will be much better too, I’m assuming. We’ll see. It’s on Monday 18th Feb - so I’ll let you know how that went

Lots and lots of new articles appearing everywhere, keep an eye out!