My Last Drink: Sat 15th December 2007 (?)

This is so much harder than I first assumed. To quit drinking for me is like telling your average person that they’re never allowed to laugh again. To me, drink is a natural thing. It’s part of my life. Without alcohol, I can’t dance. Without alcohol, I can’t attend job interviews or important meetings. Without alcohol, I can’t go on dates. Without alcohol, I can’t even go to work without getting really stressed and nervous about what people might be thinking of me.

It’s taken a huge toll on my life and by trying to quit - it’s really made me realise how much I depended on it. I feel so disappointed in myself as since I posted about quitting I’ve been drinking more than before, probably almost 200 units this week I’ve gone through. Had three days off work and made myself sick countless amounts of times.

Obviously Christmas will be a time for parties and celebration, although I don’t celebrate with family much - I will with friends. So to avoid any drink mishaps - I’m going out for a drink on Saturday night as a Christmas AND New Year celebration in one. I’m taking out £20 only and limiting my intake.

Then Christmas Eve, Boxing Day, New Years Eve (until 1.30am) and New Years Day I will be working - so no chance for me to go out and get drunk to celebrate any of them. Which is a good idea, I think. Especially as I’ll be paid on time and a half, too - which is quite a bit of money extra for my wages.

So although I haven’t really got very far - I’m not giving up. I’m going to make a diary log on this site too under the Laura section. It will be nice to look back in months or years and think, hmm - I got there in the end! And it will be a good read for others who may experience the same problems as myself.

Thank you for all your kind comments/words - your support is going to help me through this so much easier than if I were to do it alone.

It really irritates me when people use this line. “No offence, but…” - which is always finished with a rather insulting statement. “No offence, but I really don’t think you should wear your hair like that. It makes you look like an alien.” For example…

If you don’t want to offend someone - keep your damn mouth shut! Otherwise, don’t use that line.

At work my manager came over. “Laura can I talk to you?” I was like.. hmmm. So I went over to the office and he says, “No offence Laura, but you need to take it easy on serving customers. Others are left behind.”

Um hello? Is the whole point of being a barmaid not to serve as many people as possible? With 950 people through the doors on an average night and only 6 bar staff, I think I need to work fast. But sure - I’ll take the step back and leave everyone else to it. Lets see how fucked you are then - when people aren’t being served and are walking out in a negative mood.

And not only that - they cut my hours from 60 to 15 next week so that they could spend my time fitting in a new girl who needs “plenty of practice”. Right, how does it make it fair to cut my hours then? Just because she doesn’t have a clue - doesn’t mean I should have to lose money for rent and my car, etc.

I told them exactly what I thought of them doing that. And I’ve got myself an interview for another job tomorrow. If I get it - I won’t hesitate to start. Fuck this job now. All my manager thinks about is himself, short skirts and one night stands.

Fine by me. Fuckers.