It’s been eight years today since my stepfather, Sean died. He passed away from chronic alcoholism, knew he was going to die but chose not to change his ways. Still, eight years on I miss him. He meant the world to me, after never really having my real dad around - it was amazing to have a fatherly figure, doing family stuff with him. He bought me an expensive bicycle and would take me out on it, even though I often fell off and hurt myself.

Seeing him detereorate was horrible. I’d see the pain in my mum’s eyes and notice how hard she tried to keep his daughter looked after (she came to live with us when she was only a few months old) and how hard she tried to make him stop drinking. I remember the way he’d stumble home after being round his parents house with bottles upon bottles of cider. I remember the arguments and the tears he caused.

But it mostly sticks with me just how happy we all were, when he wasn’t drunk. Those times when he was able to control himself. I miss those. I try to talk to my mum about him sometimes, but she changes the subject before things get too much for us both. I hope that where ever he is, he’s happy. And I hope he knows I’m thinking of him always.

I’d say so - yes. So my friend, the one who beat me up severely last year and made me lose my amazingly well paid job as an accountant. Well he’s done it again. He visited this weekend, beat up someone who works at my hotel (because he wasn’t English - I won’t even go into the details or words said), I went to work on Monday and I lose my job - for being around yobs like him who jeopardise the reputation of the hotel.

So the whole perfect job, I’m so happy - blablabla.. post, two posts ago. Well yeah - you can forget that whole thing. I’m once again unemployed and stuck for where to go next. I move 63 miles away from the old town to start new, build myself a whole new life in just over a month and he comes to visit and ruins EVERYTHING.

He’s now officially blocked out of my life, for good. I gave him chance after chance. He’s messed up my fertility, cracked my cheekbone (my right check and side of nose is STILL numb all this time later), ruined two of the most important jobs of my life, kicked my confidence to the point where I felt like killing myself. And I let him get away with it all. Well not anymore.

I wish I was a low enough person to take revenge out on him - but I’m not. I’ve changed my number, MSN, blocked him from all friend networks online. I’m looking to move away again in a few months, just to get him out of my life for good. If he hasn’t got my home address he can’t find me.

It was my boyfriend’s birthday yesterday and I’m certainly feeling the effects from last night. Bleh, hangovers are the devil. But at least I only went out because it was a special occasion. Apart from that I’ve been doing really well with giving up the binge drinking. Five years of non stop partying certainly takes a toll on your health and general happiness. But last night was lovely. We spent the day together and did some random stuff, then went to a few bars, stopped in at the pub I work in and then off to the biggest nightclub in town. It was packed too now that the holday makers are all coming down for the Easter season. Hurrah!:)

So my first real shift in the pub was Friday night. It seems my manager was very very impressed with how well I coped. Can’t really grumble about that The music they play there is good too, kept my mood up. They don’t play music during the week though, which sucks bum. But hey… next shift is tomorrow.

I also have an interview for a job at The Grand Hotel. It’s a very smart establishment. It’s literally a 10 minute walk too, rather than 35 minutes to the pub. If I get it I’ll be ecstatic. The wage will be much better too, I’m assuming. We’ll see. It’s on Monday 18th Feb - so I’ll let you know how that went

Lots and lots of new articles appearing everywhere, keep an eye out!

Happy new year to all - I hope yours was better than mine. I had to work from 4pm til 2.30am on a private party at the bar, therefore missed the celebrations. Well I celebrated with the guests, just didn’t get to party. Which was actually for the best, I suppose. What with giving up the drink, I suppose I did quite well staying sober and working hard instead

So on the 26th I’m being evicted from my house - my lease has run to it’s end. Another new house and another new lease will be coming soon, it feels like all I ever do is move my things into a new place and by the time I’m settled in, I’m up and moving again!

But this time is different. This time I’m moving to a new town. A whole new place - 45 min drive away. So definitely too far to walk. Which means I’ll be away from all the people I KIND OF grew up with (kind of, considering I’m from London and have been back and forth since age 7). It also means being far away from every ex I had. Every one night stand. Every bully from school. Every asshole I have ever disagreed with. It means a fresh start.

No gossipers, no chinese whispers. Just Laura - a new house - a new car (hopefully, if can afford it as mine blew up) - a new environment - a new job - new friends. And not to mention I’m moving to one of the biggest party/club towns around with a GORGEOUS beach and great tourist venues. Which means my career in bar management could really get somewhere down there!

I’m very excited. But only have three weeks to save lots of money and get everything prepared, which really is not long enough. But I’ll think of something - and I’ll manage. I know I will

My Last Drink: Sat 15th December 2007 (?)

This is so much harder than I first assumed. To quit drinking for me is like telling your average person that they’re never allowed to laugh again. To me, drink is a natural thing. It’s part of my life. Without alcohol, I can’t dance. Without alcohol, I can’t attend job interviews or important meetings. Without alcohol, I can’t go on dates. Without alcohol, I can’t even go to work without getting really stressed and nervous about what people might be thinking of me.

It’s taken a huge toll on my life and by trying to quit - it’s really made me realise how much I depended on it. I feel so disappointed in myself as since I posted about quitting I’ve been drinking more than before, probably almost 200 units this week I’ve gone through. Had three days off work and made myself sick countless amounts of times.

Obviously Christmas will be a time for parties and celebration, although I don’t celebrate with family much - I will with friends. So to avoid any drink mishaps - I’m going out for a drink on Saturday night as a Christmas AND New Year celebration in one. I’m taking out £20 only and limiting my intake.

Then Christmas Eve, Boxing Day, New Years Eve (until 1.30am) and New Years Day I will be working - so no chance for me to go out and get drunk to celebrate any of them. Which is a good idea, I think. Especially as I’ll be paid on time and a half, too - which is quite a bit of money extra for my wages.

So although I haven’t really got very far - I’m not giving up. I’m going to make a diary log on this site too under the Laura section. It will be nice to look back in months or years and think, hmm - I got there in the end! And it will be a good read for others who may experience the same problems as myself.

Thank you for all your kind comments/words - your support is going to help me through this so much easier than if I were to do it alone.