Eight Years Today
April 21, 2008 || Filed under alcohol, family, my old life ||
It’s been eight years today since my stepfather, Sean died. He passed away from chronic alcoholism, knew he was going to die but chose not to change his ways. Still, eight years on I miss him. He meant the world to me, after never really having my real dad around - it was amazing to have a fatherly figure, doing family stuff with him. He bought me an expensive bicycle and would take me out on it, even though I often fell off and hurt myself.
Seeing him detereorate was horrible. I’d see the pain in my mum’s eyes and notice how hard she tried to keep his daughter looked after (she came to live with us when she was only a few months old) and how hard she tried to make him stop drinking. I remember the way he’d stumble home after being round his parents house with bottles upon bottles of cider. I remember the arguments and the tears he caused.
But it mostly sticks with me just how happy we all were, when he wasn’t drunk. Those times when he was able to control himself. I miss those. I try to talk to my mum about him sometimes, but she changes the subject before things get too much for us both. I hope that where ever he is, he’s happy. And I hope he knows I’m thinking of him always.
Sarah Jenny Britt Kristi courtney Halley Holly Mallory Kya
I’m sorry that Sean, you and your family had to deal with his illness like that. Sadly this sort of thing ends up affecting so many people… it’s very tragic that he did not ever recover.
You just have to remember that he isn’t ever going to be in any more pain and you have to keep living your life the way he’d want you to, the way YOU want to. I’m sure he’s out there somewhere watching everything you do and beaming with pride.
Comment by Sarah — April 21, 2008 @ 4:13 pm
R.I.P Sean.
The good times always override the bad times. =) It’s nice to have a fatherly figure rather than not one at all.
Best wishes!
Comment by Jenny — April 21, 2008 @ 4:21 pm
Your blog made me feel really sad. It reminds me of the people I’ve lost and also reminds me that some day the people I love now will die too. It’s so hard to live without a loved one.
I’m sorry to hear this story, but at least you have nice memories about him. You may have lost him, but no-one will ever take away those memories; remember that!
*hug* xxx
Comment by Britt — April 21, 2008 @ 5:08 pm
Aww sweetie. Well.. as sad as it is, im sure he is in a better place now, right? he knows youre thinking of him and hes watching over you
he lead a good example though, to not be an alcoholic, ya know? you dont want to end up in the same boat. *cuddle*
Comment by Kristi — April 22, 2008 @ 3:38 am
i can halfway know what your going through, i almost lost a friend, in fact she was in acoma for like 4 days, and i felt so enlightened to hear that she woke up considering acoma varies, and i never knew how much of a friend she was till that happened, and now i try and tell her as much as i can and have so many memories
im glad you had happy memories with your father before he passed (L)
Comment by courtney — April 22, 2008 @ 5:25 am
What at man he seemed to be. Gosh, it’s hard to find such a great fatherly figure but how unfortunate things can be. I’m really glad the good memories of him will forever stay with you. I’m sure he’s at a better place now. Stay happy and one day your mom will be able to talk about him with you. Give her some time. It’s hard for her.
Comment by Halley — April 22, 2008 @ 5:32 am
I’m sorry about your stepfather, it would be really hard to watch someone go through that, and then eventually die from it.
Comment by Holly — April 22, 2008 @ 9:21 am
This is something that’s really close to me. My mother is struggling with alcoholism and just keeps getting sicker and sicker. I’m terrified she’s going to die soon.
I’m sorry you lost your step father. It’s so hard to watch someone destroy themselves. =(
Comment by Mallory — April 22, 2008 @ 7:12 pm
*hugs* I can only imagine how difficult that would be and I am sorry that it happened to you. I guess one thing at least you did have some happy moments together and you are able to look back on them fondly. I am sure he is still watching over you very closely and would send a million hugs you way.
Comment by Kya — April 22, 2008 @ 11:43 pm